I feel special, honored, every time other people are able to share their vulnerability with me. I get a sense of privilege whenever I am able to lend a listening ear to someone in self doubt and a confusion. What is more beautiful and satisfying than to give someone a feeling of being understood?
But when it comes to be vulnerable back , when I feel scared, weak , sad and alone ; why do I hide it with shame ?
" Being Vulnerable is the most courageous that you can be. "
I am courageous. I have fought many of my battles alone and still fighting many; then why does my vulnerability does not let itself out? Such a double edged knife?
Yesterday, I was having my moment of panic. The moment when I wanted to scream , shout about my fear and loss. The sort of feeling of your heart being clenched and the only outlet of all of this was through my eyes. My Tears. The head kept re-iterating , I want to do this alone. Am I just too egoistic about handling keeping my own shit together ?
And then I kept sitting, crying , with those childlike sputters , weaving everything like a web in my own head.
I have been too strong may be, too strong to even hear my own voice. But I don't want to be, anymore. I want my words to flow and I want all that is built in my chest, out. I want to be vulnerable, to tell I am scared , sad, angry , insecure. I wish to let it out.
May be this is something easy to give, but hard to receive
So, Dear Universe , I am ready. Ready to trust you to see me apart, in pieces , as a HUMAN BEING. As a troubled child of yours who needs your listening ear. I am ready to find the strength in my weakness.
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