They say , this too shall pass. And it does !
Unfortunately, its true for both happy and the sad times.
Have you ever woken up feeling inadequate and its hard for you to get yourself to move and face the day ? Feeling, even moving your hand will break you into multiple pieces ? That kind of a day when you feel your each and every heart beat in your whole body. You look into the mirror and see someone - Not enough , not attractive , not capable, not worthy, not deserving, not lovable. In short , a bubble in your head that reads - inept. The world keeps telling you otherwise though.
Its happening to me. And i find myself debating about every possible depressing reason , the state of affairs in the country, shallow people. I spend hours expressing despair about the things that have transpired, circumstances. None of them being the real reason that's bothering me.
A writer once said - " Days like these should happen to you" . The other one compared the highs and lows to our lifeline.
If I attach my pain to these philosophies, I am only waiting for that one day when I would get my wings , will bloom like a butterfly and fly away. But then that's not my reality . And I am even more mad at myself , the version of me that I am becoming.
How wrong is it to feel things, to really do ? To live everything to the fullest , participate with all your being? To have dreams? May be its all just over rated.
This feeling of being inept, feels like a rock bottom, so I ask why to fight it? What can I control? May be that's the way its going to be for me. Not everyone gets wings and turn into a butterfly after all. And , here is the difficult part, I don't know how to deal with this rolling ball of self doubt and restlessness.
So, Here's me . who will sleep one more time tonight , waiting for a morning miracle, hoping to cross that bridge to the other side and see the sunshine again.
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