The leap day wisdom !

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. " - Abraham Lincoln


I started my day with reading this. This,  which put me to some real thinking. How simple and yet such true a confession it is.. Isn't it the simple things in life that have the power to make us really really happy?

We are a naive bunch of people. We are sciolists , pretenders , liars. We love complicating things and then blaming it upon everyone else but us. We read books, blogs, articles, seek help , meet the specialized in the field of happiness ( psychologists, counselors etc n all ! ) . some try to find it in religion, others in spirituality but the only place we don't look is - WITHIN !

" When you do good, you feel good; when you do bad; you feel bad " . Its as simple as that. 

Let your conscious talk. Let your actions put a smile on your face. Don't deprive yourself of people who bring buckets full of laughter your way and then ,Reciprocate ! 

And , my friend, once you find that little butterfly , acknowledge it , welcome it and give it space to fly around you and bring many more smiles your way. 

Its simple to be happy ; all we gotta do is,  just work on being Simple. 

My Ultimate To Do List.

I have known Control, and then having none of it. I have known freedom and have understood the responsibilities which come along with being free. I have felt connections, and then the lack of it. 

Amazingly, I have experienced all of the above in a span of very short time lately. Few Months. 

When they say your MIND plays games , they are right. Our mind is a smart ass. That friend who hangs out with you all the time and makes sure to keep your life worked up ( Yes, he is that tricky one ! ). And yet we let him have a ball , at our expense. 

We create a reality with every thought, in each moment, Most of the times we do it unconsciously.
And the beauty is , by putting in efforts and being present into it, we can change it. But the challenge is to silence our  " that friend ", our minds. This friend can be conquered by controlling our thoughts. Lets not let him feed on us and fire us too. 

So, the deal is to become the gatekeeper of our own minds and NOT let our mind control us. 

And , therefore , my perfect things to do - 

 1. Get a grip !!
2. Go, let loose !!!


On it , Amigos !

बस यूँहीं !

ज़िन्दगी जब मायूस होती है ,
ज़िन्दगी तब महसूस होती है।

कई दिन हुए सवेरा हुआ था ,
बोहोत रात बीती अब बिना चाँद के,
आँखों की नींद अब जाने कहाँ  सोती है।
ज़िन्दगी जब मायूस होती है ,  तब महसूस होती है।

जहाँ जाके हँसते हम थकते नहीं थे,
वो मंज़र सभी आज हँसते है मुझपे ,
उन रास्तो पर भी चलने की हिम्मत  अब कहाँ होती है।
ज़िन्दगी जब मायूस होती है , शायद  तब ही महसूस होती है।

हैरान हूँ ये देख कर , की सांस अभी तक रुकी नहीं है ,
दिल धड़कता है , और आँखों की नमी अब तक बनी हुई है ,
शायद तेरे दिन में अब भी कभी मेरी कमी होती है।

ज़िन्दगी जब मायूस होती है ,
ज़िन्दगी तब थोड़ी और ज़्यादा  महसूस होती है।

Going back to the start !

Sometimes, things are not as complicated as we make them,

All you need is to STOP. 

While on a conversation over phone today, it struck me, how much my soul is craving for emptiness . How badly I want to be in the space which has nothing. Away from the neglects, dilemma and drama, that vast extensiveness which can contain me. I want to feel the stillness, experience it like the clouds descending on the silent ocean. The calmness which is not badgered by nagging and need. 

I want to land in this space everyday, after the long day. Isn't this what we keep running in circles for ? Isn't it this feeling of being empty that brings us back to life?

This space is the reminder of the vastness of our spirits and the depths of our souls. 

I will have to STOP. All we have to do is Stop. 

Its time , to Re-connect !!

I will always strive for Complete !

I am terrified of Passive acquiescence . I live on Intensity.

 “ As if you were on fire from within.

The moon lives in the lining of your skin.”

― Pablo Neruda

I have known that fire . I still know .

I haven’t been much of a below-the-surface breather. I don’t even know how to swim . But I know how to float ; how to surrender . How to make it my Savior. Because that’s how it will always occur to me.

I don’t know halves , or one-fourths , or anything less than full .

The moon shines the brightest on the nights it agrees to co-operate . The darkest of the nights have shone the brightest of the moons.

I have struggled hard to express this feeling in words !!!

This feeling, of people not being there. Or being there in halves and one-fourths , less than full.

These eyes need to see the passion of your soul , those waves fear the strength of your commitment. You can ride them now and reach somewhere but that won’t be “it” .

Why do we starve ourselves of being whole ?  Being there and still struggle for the conversations and connections we have been looking for through out the life ?Why do we let the beauty of being, escape through our hands just because of a momentarily indecisiveness ?

Go Crazy , Go mad . Know .  Feel . Create . and , for god’s sake , LIVE ! Passionately !

Make her life a dream , kiss your cat every hour , Paint out of the canvas , Dance till the music stops and till a little later.

Because a straight line , is a dead man’s heart beat !

The strength of being weak !

I feel special, honored,  every time other people are able to share their vulnerability with me. I get a sense of privilege whenever I am able to lend a listening ear to someone in self doubt and a confusion. What is more beautiful and satisfying than  to give someone a feeling of being understood? 

But when it comes to be vulnerable back , when I feel scared, weak , sad and alone ; why do I hide it with shame ? 


" Being Vulnerable is the most courageous that you can be. " 

 I am courageous. I have fought many of my battles alone and still fighting many; then why does my vulnerability does not let itself out? Such a double edged knife?

Yesterday, I was having my moment of panic. The moment when I wanted to scream , shout about my fear and loss. The sort of feeling of your heart being clenched and the only outlet of all of this was through my eyes. My Tears. The head kept re-iterating , I want to do this alone. Am I just too egoistic about handling keeping my own shit together ?

And then I kept sitting, crying , with those childlike sputters , weaving  everything like a web in my own head. 

I have been too strong may be, too strong to even hear my own voice. But I don't want to be, anymore. I want my words to flow and I want all that is built in my chest, out. I want to be vulnerable, to tell I am scared , sad, angry , insecure. I wish to let it out.

May be this is something easy to give, but hard to receive 

So, Dear Universe , I am ready. Ready to trust you to see me apart, in pieces , as a HUMAN BEING. As a troubled child of yours who needs your listening ear. I am ready to find the strength in my weakness.

The once happy spot...

I am gazing into the black dot. Its this circular little thing which keeps changing its size. 

I am trying to figure out what its made of. Do I know it? Yes , I do. 

Mostly I find myself trying to define its color - The Black. Is this the color of shattered dreams, promises ,heart breaks , disappointments and betrayal mixed with a little hope and faith that still remains? Or has it come from the dark sleepless nights , spent  wishing against the wishes of the universe? But it sure has emotions, many emotions , because the dark black dot has got a strong pull. 

I think this black dot was  once a happy spot. A happy smiling space which once accommodated life. You know the kind of place which radiates energy and vibes and love. Something like that. May be every dark dot was once a happy spot which could not survive the long dark night. Is it possible that someone's black dot is someone else's happy spot ?

I am still gazing into the black dot. And I wish there are no more black dots in this horizon. And I wish to change the color of this black dot. And I wish to make it , once again, the happy spot  that it was. 

Maybe I should go plant a tree instead? 

The bridge to the other side.

They say , this too shall pass. And it does !

Unfortunately, its true for both happy and the sad times.

Have you ever woken up feeling inadequate and its hard for you to get yourself to move and face the day ? Feeling, even moving your hand will break you into multiple pieces ? That kind of a day when you feel  your each and every heart beat in your whole body. You look into the mirror and see someone - Not enough , not attractive , not capable, not worthy, not deserving, not lovable. In short , a bubble in your head that reads - inept. The world keeps telling you otherwise though. 

Its happening to me. And i find myself debating  about every possible depressing reason , the state of affairs in the country, shallow people. I spend hours expressing despair about the things that have transpired, circumstances. None of them being the real reason that's bothering me.

A writer once said - " Days like these should happen to you" . The other one compared the highs and lows to our lifeline. 

If I attach my pain to these philosophies, I am only waiting for that one day when I would get my wings , will bloom like a butterfly and fly away. But then that's not my reality . And I am even more mad at myself , the version of me that I am becoming. 

How wrong is it to feel things, to really do ? To live everything to the fullest , participate with all your being? To have dreams? May be its all just over rated. 

This feeling of being inept, feels like a rock bottom, so I ask why to fight it? What can I control? May be that's the way its going to be for me. Not everyone gets wings and turn into a butterfly after all. And , here is the difficult part, I don't know how to deal with this rolling ball of self doubt and restlessness. 

So, Here's me . who will sleep one more time tonight , waiting for a morning miracle, hoping to cross that bridge to the other side and see the sunshine again. 

Let's be best friends !

Hello ! 

You, yes you!

You are the closest to me. I should know you, understand you better than anyone else in this world. And so should you, I guess. We have so much in common. The colours we like, the food we hate. And I am as emotional as you are. We make fun of the same things inside our minds and we cheer to the same brand of vodka.  I remember how much you wanted to slap that idiot that day, I too wanted you to. I wanted to push you that time when you wanted to go for that job offer , but you chose to listen to everyone else instead. I am proud of that one time when I could help you in making that  decision to follow your heart and go for your happiness. 

What happened to us ? It's been long we have met, talked, shared. 

Dear You, the one I see everyday in the mirror. Whose happiness, sadness, dreams, fears I live every moment in my heartbeat.

I miss you! 

Let's be best friends ! Again ! 

Count on Me like 1.2.3 !!!

Girlfriend !!!

Carrie Bradshaw nailed it by saying - " May be our girlfriends are our soulmates and boys are just people to have fun with." 

The wierdos who see us at our highest high and lowest lows and still love you just the same. The pillows to rest our heads, to hug  and sleep on , the madsters who don't let you do crazy sh*t alone. The sisters who lend you the listening ear when you got to rant about a bossy boss , a heartbreak , a messy secret; they soak it all in . and you will NEVER , EVER be judged. 

This is for you my girlfriend. You are my intoxicant , my alcohol to drown my inhibitions. the best story teller I have known and my gossip partner. Its not just our madness , but our souls that fit perfectly within each other . 

Girlfriends are the souls to our lives. The people you always come home to. 

You are my precious and I. Am. Always. There. For. You. !!

I Love you !